Oh, boy.

I said here:

I wondered a little whether to share this.

It's a bit "intimate."

That's true, of course. At the same time, I was being a little coy.

As I wondered a little whether to share this, what follows -- I mean, this is beyond intimate: it's a very frank biography and self-assessment, written with a clear voice and open heart, as always beautifully.

I wondered, and hesitated, and vacillated, because, open as I am, I wasn't sure how much of myself to share, and this shares a lot; at the same time, beyond the beauty in it (which I'm always ready to share), revisiting the reason I wrote this is a rich field, as yet virgin, for the production of some very, very good reflection in writing.

A further wrinkle in the matter is that the subject of this writing, and the cause for its writing -- well, I don't think about it now what I thought about it then.

Frankly, I think it's dangerous.

I wouldn't want to lead anyone down such paths.

My elusiveness and allusiveness here, of course, is in part a rhetorical device, but as I write, I really am still "on the fence" about sharing what I'm getting at.

Yet, I wouldn't have gone this far if I hadn't intended to share it after all...

So -- I will.

I'm gonna leave some stuff out. When you see [...], that means I left something out.

I said I worked a job I didn't like.

Well, that was right before THIS, and, in large part, that was what prompted me to do this -- that is, to go to another country, drink a lot of ayahuasca, and to immerse myself in sort of a crash-course in traditional Amazonian plant medicine.

You can look online to find out what ayahuasca is, but I'll tell you now: most of what you read or watch will be B.S., outright paw-puh-GAN-duh.

I'm not going to go into why that is, so I'm just saying, if you feel I'm sincere and have something valuable to say, then -- that is my sincere opinion.

Of course, I will say a little bit about what ayahuasca is from my perspective, which in large part is also the Qigong perspective -- to place this writing into context.

I keep talking about context; context is always crucial.

Anyway -- that job I didn't like.

In brief, I was still listening to others and going against my intuition at that point, so finally I caved in, finished my college degree, got a "real" job, and -- hated it, and hated myself.

It seemed like everyone in the building around me -- many of them enviably successful to worldly eyes -- were drab, drained of vitality, and leading lives of quiet desperation, as Thoreau would say.

I said, This is going to kill my soul once and for all.

Being there put me in the position of having to choose between two very stark alternatives; upon reflection, I see I've put myself in that sort of position more than once, and while it's not "everyone's cup of tea," I have found it's a good way to get yourself to make a hard decision.

At the same time -- another long, long story -- I'd long since discovered Spring Forest Qigong, Master Chunyi Lin, and Master Jim Nance.

Here were healers and Qigong Masters of the highest caliber -- maybe in the whole world, -- I was satisfied that they were who they said they were (and others attested them to be), and -- significantly -- the healing they did required nothing outside of themselves.

That was crucial.

I wanted so, so badly to experience, and to be able to do, that sort of healing, and was desperate to meet and come into the orbit of Masters of that sort of tradition.

But, I felt that was impossible -- all of it.

Shows what I know!

Also shows the supreme intelligence and compassion of the universe, and shows the truth of what Master Nance says: every prayer is answered.

Anyway, I was deeply depressed, and at the time, ayahuasca seemed to me, one, to be a way to heal the depression, two, a way to open me up to be able to feel Qi, which I felt I was not able to do at the time, and three, perhaps a path in itself for me.

A healing path, I mean: I told you, I wanted to be a healer.

So, long, long story short -- I took three weeks off from that job I hated, went to, so to speak, an ayahuasca hospital in the jungle, and that set off a series of outer events and inner associations that led to what I'm getting to here.

When I came back, I came up with a two-year plan: I'd travel a lot, pursue two spiritual tracks, each a pre-set "program" lasting a certain length of time (one, the other one, a two-year program, the other, what I'm talking about here, a more intensive two-month return to the jungle).

Along the way, I figured, I'd reconnect with myself and take whatever opportunity arose that felt right. Put myself in God's hands, you could say.

Again, in my mind, this was both to explore possibilities of "what was right for me," and it was, on a deeper level, since deep down I always knew Spring Forest Qigong was my calling, my attempt to find some way to connect more fruitfully with Qi.

I think I'll write about that at some point; I think it's important. You don't need anything to help you learn about Qi, other than to practice your Qigong. I learned that the slow way, as I usually do.

So, I followed the outline of my plan.

Those two years -- I mean, there's a book.

In fact, there are SEVERAL books. Maybe what you're reading on this website is that, or is that in embryo. I'm not sure, and I don't really care at this point.

Well!

Context.

I feel that this little part of my life is about adequately framed now. Now I can place the picture in it -- that writing that I began by saying, I wondered, and hesitated, and vacillated over sharing it with you here.

But let me return to one point before doing that.

Ayahuasca.

Again, I can't go into it all here, nor into the background-context of the Qigong that I'm going to assess ayahuasca in the light of.

Just read it, if you like, and absorb what you can.

In my observation -- better said, in my subsequent understanding of it, having about five years of daily Qigong practice behind me now and four years of daily work at the Spring Forest Qigong healing center, -- here's what ayahuasca is.

It's not a cure-all. It's not magic.

Yes, it has its own intelligence, its own spirit, its own power and desire, and in turn can put you in touch with other intelligences, spirits, and powers.

In my experience, ayahuasca doesn't mean you any harm, but it doesn't fit neatly into categories like "good" and "bad"; its morality, or consciousness, is more complex and nuanced than that.

If you're a hayseed with a cowlick and muddy feet under your rolled-up trousers, asking Mama Ayahuasca to put er there, she just might sock it to ya.

Or, more likely, a Peruvian with muddy feet under his rolled-up trousers might sock it to you, and maybe your wife, too, for good measure.

What I'm saying is, the nature and spirit of ayahuasca is far less important than the nature, spirit, morality, intent, and overall Qi Field of the person administering it to you, of the person making the medicine, and of the environment in which it's taken.

This is basic Qigong understanding, but it's central, absolutely crucial.

I didn't have that at the time.

Master Lin, founder of Spring Forest Qigong, says Qigong healing is spiritual healing, which means it is message-healing, signal-healing, or information-healing.

Qi is not just energy; it's energy with intelligence, consciousness.

Everything is a form of Qi -- from plants to thoughts.

Everything has a Qi Field, like an aura you might say, but more than that -- it is the conscious information-field of the person, place, or thing.

In the case of a plant, the ayahuasca vine for example, the Qi Field would contain not just information about that particular vine's life-experience (where it grew, whether it had been injured a couple years ago, etc.), but the collective consciousness of all ayahuasca plants that ever lived, and information about how they were used. Thousands of years, thousands of "human applications," or healing ceremonies, as some more ceremoniously call them.

In the case of a person, say a curandero administering ayahuasca, the Qi Field would contain all the information of that person's life. Every thought, every action, every emotion, every wish -- all these would determine the quality and constitution of his Qi Field.

What I'm saying is -- you can have a very powerful, potent vine administered by a very vile, malicious person, and the real medicine you imbibe in that "ceremony" is the Qi of the curandero.

Everything he touches, prepares, or sings to you in the ceremony carries his Qi.

Surely you've had this sort of experience.

You may be in one room, a stranger in another -- say, in an apartment building. You can't hear what he's saying, but you can hear and feel his intonation through the wall.

Sometimes the stranger's energy and intonation is such that it sets you on edge, agitates you, and gets you angry -- angry enough to bang on the wall.

Sometimes the person's energy and intonation is so warm and soothing, it's like a lullaby heard through the walls of a womb.

The voice of the curandero is like that. You don't have to understand what he's saying -- it affects you no matter what.

And, remember, Qigong healing is information healing, message healing.

In the Spring Forest Qigong Levels Two and Three classes, you learn how to do healing for others. A central aspect of that is sending a message in the light.

That means visualizing that you are sending light to a part of a person's body while sending a message in your mind, whether word or image.

For example, sending golden light to the heart while saying, "All your blockages are gone, you are completely healed."

Anyone can do it; as Master Lin teaches, you were born a healer.

I can tell you: it is real. It works. I met, and talked to, many, many people who had healed with the help of this sort of Qigong, even of late-stage, "untreatable" cancers. I talked with them, and the healers who helped them, about miracles they witnessed.

In my own healing and meditation, I've had some pretty astounding experiences with this stuff, things I won't even try to describe, which are every bit as intense as anything ayahuasca has to offer, or more so.

And I'm not even a Master.

And, what I'll add is that this healing seems to go way deeper and last way longer than what ayahuasca has to offer.

I could go into why, but this is already too long.

What I am trying to tell you, is -- I realized after doing Spring Forest Qigong a while that the ayahuasca curanderos are doing something like Qigong information healing in their ceremonies: they are connecting with a higher intelligence; detecting Qi blockages in the spirit-body of their healing clients; and they are using their mind (and messages in the songs they sing) to move the Qi, to send Qi, to clear blockages for healing.

Here's the difference, though.

One, ayahuasca makes you very, very open and suggestible -- not just to ideas, but to the influence of spirits.

As a side-note, spirit is from Latin spiritus, from spiro, which means to breathe. A spirit is breath.

Better yet, a spirit is Qi, because Qi not only means breath, but as you read above, it also means a force with consciousness and intelligence. A spirit, you might say.

In fact, I just did say -- TWICE, because I thought it was important.

Put that in your gourd and let it ferment a while.

Two, ayahuasca is essentially medicine given from the outside, while the overall Qigong approach (of which the healing I described is a part), you might call a way to generate medicine from the inside.

And three, while to become a powerful Qigong healer you need to be able to access the unconditional love of God through prayer, to do which well entails a lifelong devotion to and practice of spiritual purification and moral self-perfection... to become an ayahuasca curandero -- all you need is the brew.

Of course, if you go to a real curandero, you will find they, like the Qigong healer, have attained their healing power through spiritual purification and moral self-perfection, not just proficiency in the technology of that bitter brew.

But what I'm saying is -- how would YOU know the difference, especially the way ayahuasca has been sold to you?

In that spiritually open, mentally and emotionally suggestible state -- what Qi are you absorbing into your Qi Field?

Anyway, I didn't come to preach today; but then again, maybe I did -- otherwise, why did I choose to share this?

I'm just testifyin.

Speaking of which, here you go -- a little something from the "interview"-essay I wrote to be admitted to the crash-course in Amazonian medicine.

Oh, and, if you still aren't clear on it -- I finally chose Qigong over plant medicine.

It was the right choice.

I hope you choose to practice Spring Forest Qigong, too.

08 April 2022